Learning to Love God
I was in my late 20s, single, a fairly new Christian, and I had psoriasis. My elbows and knees were covered with big red scaly splotches that couldn’t be hidden except by clothing. I never wore anything shorter than capri pants or ¾ length sleeves. It was too embarrassing to let anyone other than my closest friends see. As a result, I mostly turned down invitations to do fun outdoor things that would require shorts or a bathing suit. Other people may not have let it bother them, but right or wrong, I was ashamed of the way I looked.
I prayed constantly for God to heal me. I cried out to Him when I was alone and any time there were offers to come forward for prayer, I was the first one to get up. I believed God would heal me if I just kept asking, and I hoped the prayers of others who were “more spiritual” Christians would have extra influence on God to do so. More than once I would go back to my seat after being prayed for and slowly pull up my sleeve, hoping to see normal skin, only to be disappointed once again.
In my desperation I would cry out to God saying, “If you love me, why won’t you heal me?” Couldn’t He see how emotionally painful this burden was, didn’t he care what it was doing to me?
On one occasion when I was alone and all cried out, I searched my Bible for comfort and God spoke to my heart. He said, “If I do things for you to prove my love, then that will become the foundation of our relationship.” That was the beginning of my coming to understand what it means to love God. What God does or doesn’t do for me has no bearing on His love for me. If He bowed to my demands to prove His love, he would be teaching me conditional love, as the world loves. But His love is far beyond what the world gives – higher and deeper and wider and stronger than the world is even capable of giving. I had to learn to love God in the same way – for who He is, with no expectation of what He would do for me.
No doubt I have disappointed God many times – although He wouldn’t see it that way – He sees me as perfect through the finished work of Jesus – and has continued to love me no matter what I do or don’t do. If I am going to love like God, I have to love other people that way, and love God that way.
Sometimes we think if we didn’t have that one thing to deal with – health issues, weight, singleness, unsaved husband, finances, whatever it may be – if God would just fix that one thing, life would be better. Instead of waiting for God to fix it, we need to let that thing be what causes us to cling tighter to Jesus. When we can surrender our affliction, accept our situation, and Jesus becomes more important, gets more of our attention, then we are in a place where He can heal or change, if He chooses. But when we are truly there, it really doesn’t matter anymore. (By the time God healed me of my psoriasis, I had learned to live with it and was no longer even praying for healing.) Whatever your trouble, Jesus has experienced it. Allow it to draw you to Him as you relate to Him in a deeper way that others cannot. Sharing in His suffering is something he has given you that is understood only between the two of you.
I prayed constantly for God to heal me. I cried out to Him when I was alone and any time there were offers to come forward for prayer, I was the first one to get up. I believed God would heal me if I just kept asking, and I hoped the prayers of others who were “more spiritual” Christians would have extra influence on God to do so. More than once I would go back to my seat after being prayed for and slowly pull up my sleeve, hoping to see normal skin, only to be disappointed once again.
In my desperation I would cry out to God saying, “If you love me, why won’t you heal me?” Couldn’t He see how emotionally painful this burden was, didn’t he care what it was doing to me?
On one occasion when I was alone and all cried out, I searched my Bible for comfort and God spoke to my heart. He said, “If I do things for you to prove my love, then that will become the foundation of our relationship.” That was the beginning of my coming to understand what it means to love God. What God does or doesn’t do for me has no bearing on His love for me. If He bowed to my demands to prove His love, he would be teaching me conditional love, as the world loves. But His love is far beyond what the world gives – higher and deeper and wider and stronger than the world is even capable of giving. I had to learn to love God in the same way – for who He is, with no expectation of what He would do for me.
No doubt I have disappointed God many times – although He wouldn’t see it that way – He sees me as perfect through the finished work of Jesus – and has continued to love me no matter what I do or don’t do. If I am going to love like God, I have to love other people that way, and love God that way.
Sometimes we think if we didn’t have that one thing to deal with – health issues, weight, singleness, unsaved husband, finances, whatever it may be – if God would just fix that one thing, life would be better. Instead of waiting for God to fix it, we need to let that thing be what causes us to cling tighter to Jesus. When we can surrender our affliction, accept our situation, and Jesus becomes more important, gets more of our attention, then we are in a place where He can heal or change, if He chooses. But when we are truly there, it really doesn’t matter anymore. (By the time God healed me of my psoriasis, I had learned to live with it and was no longer even praying for healing.) Whatever your trouble, Jesus has experienced it. Allow it to draw you to Him as you relate to Him in a deeper way that others cannot. Sharing in His suffering is something he has given you that is understood only between the two of you.